Valentine’s Day exposes two kinds of people

My cousin, Lynn D. Nel recently finished her book and is in the process of getting it self-published. The book tells the story of her life – her childhood, abuse she endured, relationships, et cetera.

I’m really proud of her – finishing a book is a HUGE achievement.

“Have you started reading my book yet?” She had asked me two weeks ago. It had probably been the third time she had asked me. I told her yes, I was at page four then. “I feel so naked now,” she told me. Lynn says she feels naked, because she revealed so much of herself in this book.

More about the book another time…

Lynn agreed to be a guest writer for Mel’s Postbox. Within time, we will share her journey as a first time author. Here are her thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!

Before I get right into it, let me just tell you a little bit about myself. I am a very opinionated person and, to say the least, very analytical too. I don’t know if the latter is a good thing or a bad thing. The truth is, I have an artist and a writer’s soul.

I don’t know about other writers but I am an introvert and quiet by nature. I choose to observe people and life in general. And once the observation is done, the extrovert will come out on paper.

Ask any writer or “wannabe” writer, our heads are always spinning about what we would like to position on paper.

I live in either my own little world of what I perceive as realistic (and I am very stubborn about it) or, I live in an ideal world (in my head of course).

What can I say, I’m a romantic at heart and it is an excellent coping mechanism. This brings me to 14 February. How I perceive the day, is somewhat more realistic than idealistic.

HEARTS ON OUR SLEEVES?
So Valentine’s Day 2017 has come and gone. And what I observed were two kinds of people that are, dare I say, more obvious on Valentine’s Day than any other day of the year.

I think you can guess where I am going with this. The one group is the happy-go-lucky ones who totally buys into the day! These are the people that are not scared to admit how important love, and for that matter, their loved one(s) in their lives are.

We dress ourselves and our children in the colour that ‘speaks Valentine’. Everywhere you look, are couples that do not show any shame, nor embarrassment in dressing alike or, true to the colour that warrants this day.

Yeah to those people for their honesty because we were in essence designed to “mate” and to love. Love as it is, “the greatest of them all”, do make everything seem alright with this world, whether we want to admit it or not.

‘IT AWAKENS THE SOUL’
A quote out of the movie “The Notebook” portrays it so eloquently: “The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.”

Nothing will ever come close to love. It brings peace, kindness, understanding, courage and a will to face anything and everything life throws our way. It makes us bold and fierce in our struggles.

The best thing is that we do learn from love and what we learn is power at its best. Nobody for me can say it better than Leo Tolsky when he said: “All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love.”

As a dedicated Christian, the best for me is out of the movie Les Miserables, “And remember, as it was written, to love another person is to see the face of God”.

Love makes us vulnerable and most people hate being vulnerable. We think it makes us weak and not human as we are.

We prefer the masks and not the real when in fact the real stands a better chance at love in its best form.

In the words of Angelita Lim: “I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more. We don’t choose love, love chooses us! We should really just marvel in it! To teach love is to live love.”

THE HATERS
The second, and my least favourite group, is the cynical-about-love people. Cynical though is such a harsh word, so I would rather like to call them “confused?”

They make me think about the 7%-38%-55% rule that resulted from Prof Albert Mehrabian’s research on communication. This rule does not portray all forms of communication.

These totals primarily relate to a situation where we are forming an attitude of like or dislike of someone, as concluded by his other peers. It states that 7% is made out of content (our words), 38% refers to the tone of our voice and 55% portrays our body language and facial expressions.

I’m single, and a mother of an eighteen year old who totally adores his girlfriend. I was very excited with him when I took him shopping for the perfect gift for his girlfriend.

So there we stood, in the pay point queue, right behind two young women who were wearing sexy black dresses. They were talking about, yes, men, why they hate the day and that they cannot believe that people are so gullible to stand in line with all these valentine’s gifts.

DRESSING THE PART

The rule came to mind and with that, the saying: “Action speaks louder than words”. Is it just my thinking or were they really very transparent? There they were, on this ‘gloomy’ day, dressed in sexy black dresses. Why?

At places that I have been during the day, I witnessed the same sexy black ‘numbers’ and the same cynicism. Everyone knows that black is a winner on any occasion and any day. Why would you want to be a winner on such a “doomed” day?

So what if people buy into the commercial side of it? We…. people…have evolved and we … people…have commercialised the world. It happens on any other significant days.

Heaven knows, with all the negativity around us, the world needs days like these.

We get so caught up in the rat race that pressurises us to live past each other. My head is always full of quotes and it really cannot escape my soul. This one, by Mitch Albom, I have no doubt, is designed for the sceptical at heart.

“Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.”

YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE
So Mr or Miss Doubtful, please change your attitude, unless you want to end up with someone equally doubtful.

The law of attraction is simple. We don’t attract what we want. We attract what we are. Think of your poor future children!

“Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo!” Most of us are familiar with this famous Shakespearian play. What Juliet meant to ask was: Why are you from the Montague family and not from the Capulets she stems from? Why are you not what I want you to be?

We, humans, tend to go for Mr or Miss Wrong and then we wonder why things did not work out. We choose with the eyes, and not with the heart and it is the heart that speaks to the soul and the soul is what really matters!

Looks attract a person but its character and mutual compatibility that keep two people in love and yes, together!

So let’s make a toast, not to love, but to hope!

We should celebrate love more often and permits the wonder that Valentine’s Day brings. It brings hope! This idealist is signing out for now. I hope I reach at least one heart, just one!

[The above opinion piece was written by Lynn D. Nel.]

Do you agree or disagree with Lynn? Did you celebrate Valentine’s or not? Tell me what you think.